Outsider in my Own World and how you can find the confidence to make it!

Every Story Starts With a Story: our Story

Many of you know Fabiana and I come from Italy. We moved to London more than six years ago, we had a baby who was born here and a future that is more British than Italian. Of Italy we still have the sense of style, the idea of few good friends in front of a good glass of wine and some good food, the passional blood, a certain irreverent approach to “how much skin should be shown” and a great heart.
So where is our story mixing with feeling an outsider in my own world? It is about small details and in a certain thing called self confidence. Have you ever wonder, for example, why the way we write (…ok, the way I write) is sometimes funny, sometimes… different? It is because London Boudoir Photography has Italian roots.
But there is more to this, our story is just the beginning of something more important, something about you. It is something about the insecurities we all have inside, it is about finding the strength to overcome them, to become better. Are you ready to dig into this? It will be a journey about confidence, about thinking positive and becoming better persons!

Being “The Britalian”

Back in February, when I attended the Boudoir Workshop on CreativeLIVE, I was given the nickname of The Britalian. The way I was speaking was gathering attention as I use some british words and I still have part of my Italian accent. I don’t sound completely Italian, but my roots are still there. It never dawned on me that the way I speak, the way I write and the way I am make of me an outsider in my own world. Don’t misunderstand me, I have always known my English, especially my written one, is not going to win any prize, but I never thought it would be such an important part of the business we are building. I have been told that the way I write is funny, but I never linked this to the success or the failure of my life or my business: I have always known I am not a mother tongue and I will never be one.
I am an outsider in my own world and, as many of you I think, I have felt wrong, I have felt the pressure of not being good enough, that feeling of despair that makes you think: that’s it, I cannot make it. I bet everyone of us, sooner or later, had these thoughts. You know what happened? It happened that I stood up once more, I rolled up my sleeves and I opened this blog, writing this post.
Am I an outsider in my own world? If so I will make sure that this is a strength, not a weakness!

Confidence and Overcoming Insecurities

Our life is full of obstacles that can undermine our confidence. It can be a genuine and positive comment about the way we write, it can be a word said in the wrong moment about how we look or it can be us, just us, in the way we feel. I see my confidence as my legs: I rarely look at them, but I know they are there; I rarely focus on feeling them, but I know they are bringing me far. I know they are there, but from time to time they fail on me, they lose balance. Still I consider myself lucky, my confidence has always been quite high, I have never had huge insecurities that stopped me from being who I want to be, at least in the last twenty years. I consider myself lucky, yes, but I consider myself someone who will fight to the last moment to be who I want to be, accepting things as they are and doing everything I can to change those I don’t like.
I write from the perspective of a man, and I know that differences between men and women are huge, especially in the way we perceive ourselves, however I strongly believe that we should be the best friends of ourselves and a good friend would always try and find the best way of showing us a way of overcoming our insecurities.

If I can make it, You can make it

There is another story I rarely tell. It is about me, about my past, and about the two biggest insecurities that I allow to endure for too long. When I was 14 I was a spotty boy barely shorter than 5 feet (150cm). Apart from being a teenager -we all know how painful it can be- I had huge issues with the way I looked and the way I felt: ugly. And as every good teenager I blamed everything and everyone for my luck or lack of it. Only after few years, when I found something I was really good at, I realised that what I looked like was not defining who I was and that it was just me seeing an ugly, short boy. I realised who I really was and I worked hard to remember my confidence came when I become myself entirely, from the first hair to the last thought.
Today I know that the way I write, for how important it can be, does not define me as entrepreneur, photographer, blogger, friend, man or father. You are welcome to correct my English as I know there will always be room for improvements, but read back my stories, try to be me for a while and ask yourself: in my shoes, would you shake these insecurities off your shoulders and write the post I am about to publish, or would you think: it’s done, over? If I can make it, You can make it.
Deciding to be a beautiful woman is the same thing: we all have insecurities, but we can overcome them! Our legs will, from time to time, lose their balance, but it does not mean we should lose our confidence. You have to realise that strong people are not those who never fall, but those who, after every fall, have the courage to stand up again. It is about the courage of being who you want to be, the courage of doing what you want while being a little less critic of yourself.
You can be everyone you want to be! Write it on your wall and wake up every morning to it, realising every single day that despite all the insecurities we can have, we will always have the instruments to overcome them. I did it, you can do it!
Self Confidence is about trust. Trust in your best friend: you. Self confidence should walk the same path of acceptance and improvement: be kind to yourself, but if you are still not who you want to be, work hard to become that person without shaking your ground.
Take a boudoir photo shoot as example. A lot of people tell us: I am not ready yet as I need to lose few pounds. You think you are so right that you don’t realise that there is someone who would see you for the beautiful woman you are. You are not giving yourself credit and this is not helping you boosting your confidence! You should Believe in you, trust yourself for the unique person you are!

Every Story will start another Story: Your Story

Have this article spoken to you? Are you thinking something about it right now? Good! I am glad if you felt that inner wind of change, but accept my apologies if I won’t feel sorry if you thought: easy to say with a sarcastic tone. We all are the makers of our lives and we are what we think. My life is not worse after the n-th remark on the way I write or I express myself and I am already working hard on making my communication better, but what about you? Are you thinking you CAN do what you believe in? Are you thinking that from now on your life is going to be even better because you want to? That’s awesome, because if you do, you will live a better life. If you are not, alas, you will still be the maker of your misfortune.
Was this post worth reading? Do you have something you want to tell me, or tell any other reader? You can do it with a comment! And if you think this post is worth reading, share it with your friends and tell them you have an Italian Friend who speaks funnily, but that have the courage of being himself despite, from time to time, feeling an outsider in his own world.

with Love,
Carlo

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