After 17 years together, I love my husband more than ever, and yes, I still fancy him very much. And yet, still life gets in the way in so many ways though that it is difficult to make time for us as a couple.
We work a lot, and especially in the last 5 years we have been following 1000 projects for which 24 hours are not enough. While time with our son is a sacrosanct priority and we make time for it, juggling the remaining time for ourselves and us as a couple gets complicated.
As a woman, the first reaction is to feel insecure about myself and start questioning how attractive I still am. But we have to remember that works that way for our men as well.
And if we want to shake things a bit and revamp our relationship with our partner, we need to know what to do.
The beauty of time
Children and many years gone by, and there is no shame in saying that my body has changed.
I am now in my 40s, and even if I may feel 30 inside, I am very aware that I do not look like that anymore. I strangely feel good about it, though. I did not like a lot of things about myself when I was younger, and I have slowly come to appreciate who I am now much much more.
I have come to understand that my body is the reflection of how I feel.
When I feel young and vibrant, my body responds accordingly. The difference is in how I feel, while before I used to concentrate my attention exclusively on the “look” of it, and that caused all sorts of unrealistic expectations and dramas in my life.
Yes, I might not have the body I would like in my head, but I also know that I am good enough and I am beautiful.
So, there is no excuse not to find time to show my husband that he is important in all aspects of my life, not only when it comes to business or parenting.
My personal tips to revamp your relationship with your partner?
1. Put down that bloody phone and look at each other
Sorry for being so rudely upfront, but that’s exactly how I feel about it. My fault, his fault, it does not really matter, because having a phone in our hands is an issue for both of us and get us distracted from the time we can spend together.
To make time for each other, we need to stop what we are doing, and start connecting. For real.
The easiest, most effective way? Look at each other in the eyes. Do not say anything. Just look at him and enjoy being there for him.
It seems so straightforward we take it for granted, right? Can you remember the last time you looked at him without saying a word?
Sometimes I feel it has been a very long time ago, and yet I know there is nothing more important that being there for each other.
Do you listen to give a reply or because you are really interested in what your partner has to say?
That’s a great question I read somewhere, and made me think a lot. After I asked myself that question, I realised that many times I was finishing my husband’s sentence before he did…
Familiarity does not mean taking a person for granted what a person and what he has to say, neither means that what I have to say is more important than my husband’s.
But so many times I have been there, wanting to jump in the conversation before he had the time to finish expressing his thoughts. That cannot be right.
Just stop. Breathe. Smile. Listen actively. Ask him questions.
More importantly, make him feel as important as he is in your heart.
3. Get physical
Yes, ladies. I am talking about sex, and much much more.
I am a tomboy with a girly soul. That means that I have never been very much into cuddles or anything particularly romantic, so for me this is a tough one.
I do enjoy closeness, hugs and kisses, do not get me wrong, however, I have always been used to the man coming close to me that I find somehow unnatural being the first to initiate closeness.
This is particularly important because I noticed that one of the first things after not making time to look at each other is not making time to come in contact physically with each other.
That does not mean becoming a sticky label all of the sudden! That is odd and can be even annoying.
Start by touching his arm, taking his hand when you walk together, hug him and do it with intention.
If it feels odd, start by giving him a slow shoulder massage when he is distracted. Get close to him and linger for a couple of seconds, he will notice your presence, and he will feel appreciated.
4. Smell his perfume
The more you get close, the more you will sense his perfume.
Smelling his perfume is the most effective way to help you getting you int he right frame of mind to revamp your relationship with your partner. Our sense of smell is incredibly powerful and you will remember those exciting first times when you were together. Passion, excitement, wanting to stay close will come back to you. The more you do it, the more you will want to feel again those feelings.
Many years ago Carlo used to travel a lot for work, and when I was feeling lonely I used to hug one of jumpers and smell it to feel him close to me.
Most of all, we have to remember that love is not a state that someone is in or not, it is a verb. That means that to love a person we have to practice acts of love towards them. Too many times familiarity becomes synonym of taking our partners for granted. While we are the first ones to complain about not been seen, we need to remember that our partners suffer that too.
To revamp our relationship with our partners, we need to be the first to do something about it.
If we want to be loved, we need to practice love first.
Have you ever felt distant from your partner? What are your suggestions to revamp a relationship with a partner?