A Photographer’s Regret
2 weeks ago I lost my father. Tragically, in an accident. He died almost instantly, and thank goodness he did not suffer, but the same cannot be said for those who remain.
The last words we spoke were not what I would have loved to hear, and this tragic loss set those words in stone. Forever. I will always remember his last words. “I do not want to see you ever again”. And so it was.
There is nothing that can undo those moments. And there is nothing he can do or say now to make me feel better because he is gone.
It is a very tough legacy the one my father left me with because what happened spoiled every single good memory of him. Now, in fact, I can hardly find any good memory.
I feel empty. Lonely. And I feel angry. Not only because he turned his back on me, but because he left this world while I have to deal with the pain of his death and his betrayal, and with my very mother, a woman with a lot of personal issues and very little empathy. She still tells people I am a manager in some company instead of being proud of what I have been able to create with my husband for so many women.
The balance I had slowly reached in the 3 years of silence from my parents was shattered in the instant my mum called to give me the tragic news.
My life is upside down now, but I know I will find again the strength to go on and be the positive person I have always been. Maybe it will not happen in an instant, but it will eventually. And it will happen for my family, for myself and for you. Because what I create with my art gives sense to my life and to others’.
One of the many reasons why I do what I do in life is because I believe in being free and proud to be who we really are. I believe in making the most of our time by doing what we love, in being happy and feeling beautiful, in doing good, and in believing that life is what you make of it. I believe in all of this because of my family, my past and all the good and bad things I have been experiencing.
I know how important it is to be happy, and I want to contribute to others’ happiness through my very personal vision of life and beauty.
Through photography, my actions, this blog and all the words I spend everyday with you and my family I want to pass a message. I want you to feel beautiful and embrace who you really are because we do not know what life brings. This life is too precious to waste it in actions led by petty pride and fear because it might be too late to make amends afterwards.
Do not waste one single second of your life closing your heart to love thinking you are not good enough. You are and you are beautiful.
I wanted to share this piece of my life with you because there is a very tough lesson I learnt from this sad circumstance and if I open one single heart, I will feel a little better.
Remember that mistakes happen and you can learn from them, but regrets remain forever.
My biggest regret? I am a photographer but I did not shoot one single photo of my father I can remember him by.
I love you dad.